Shoe virus on the prowl

Red Alert! Red Alert! The shoe virus has attacked once again. This time it is none other than BJP's prime ministerial candidate L K Advani and the place is Katni in Madhya Pradesh. The name of the perpetrator who borne the virus is Pawas Agarwal, former BJP district president, which means it came from BJP's own family members. It is all the more alarming. Regarded as one of the most deadly virus to have attacked India, this shoe virus is turning out to be a kind of epidemic that the world has never seen before, its spreading like widefire and anybody can be a victim of it.

According to psychologist, the early symptoms are very hard to figure out but psychologist has said it is highly contagious and might spread more quickly then the species I, II and III combined. It is triggered by Aggresion, violence and greed and an instant desire to attain fame, though the shoe-virus victim camoflageous it well as a way of activistic protest.

Psychologist have cautioned that it might lead to more dangerous consequences and the perpetrator may well in future throw something else, like socks, shirts, t-shirts and underwears too and if that doesnt quench his quest, he/she may take to tv, radio, cellphones and even tables and chairs.

The government has sprang into action and has decided to hold all public rallies and meeting through tele and video conferencing after its proposal of holding those in an open ground with minimum clothes (read underwear) were vehemently protested by social activists.

Even the national security agency have decided to look into the matter as it might led to national shame if someone decides to repeat the act when some other countries premiere visit to India.

However, Bollywood remains unfazed and director of 'Stoneman murderers' is already toying with the idea of making a sequel on this deadly virus, titled 'Shoe-man hurler'.

However, on a positive front, after Jarnail Singh was appointed as the brand ambassador of Reebok, there has been a lot of competition. But the growing number of shoe-throwers have diluted the competition as each of the shoemakers can have their respective ambassadors according to their brand requirement.

According to latest reports, there would be an auction for the most prized shoe-thrower and he would be honoured with the 'Shoeman of the millenium' by none other than Showman himself, Subhash Ghai.





Note: The post should be taken in right spirit and humour and not as an intention of maligning or disreputing anybody.

The Great Indian Political drama award

The Great Indian Political drama is gearing up with the Lok
Sabha elections just a whisker away and as a kick off ceremony
we want to present before you the 'best of the best' awards
which would motivate and inspire our politician to carry on the
juggernaut for another five years (or less) to come.

Here it goes:

1. Most original idea award: Samajwadi Party supremo Mulayam
Singh for his out-of-the-box (Out of the universe) party
manifesto of banning English in education and computers in new
projects.

2. Best villian with a great escape award: Congress leader
Jagdish Tytler for escaping the sword after the CBI gave him a
clean chit in the 1984 anti-sikh riot case.

3. Best debutant and critics award: Dainik Jagran journalist
Jarnail Singh for lobbing his shoe at Home Minister PC
Chidambaram during a press Conference.

4. Life time achievement award: Former Prime Minister Atal
Bihari Vajpayee for emerging as the longest serving politician
that the nation has ever produced. Recently he was discharged
from AIIMS as doctors declared him fit to go home after 26 days
of stay at the Intensive Care Unit. 84-year-old Vajpayee piped L
K Advani by a whisker as Advani is three years younger and alive
and kicking. Advani need not worry as he is assured of his life
time achievement award next year if everything goes unwell.

5. Best MQ (Melodramatic quotient) award: To the two Ms of Indian
politics, BSP chief Mayawati and 'mother India' Maneka gandhi for
their melodramatic drama over Mother Teresa (she must be tossing
in her grave).

6. Best Actor, Script writer and Best Director: New kid in the
block BJP colt Varun Gandhi for dishing out the best seller,
most heartrendering performance in his potboiling Muslim bashing
episode in a public rally in Pilibhit which threatened the
national security as it broke lose a war of words in the cyber
world between India and Pakistan.

GIBBERING all the way

Its kind of weird but ever since my birth I always had a feeling that I was suffering from a strange disease and it was only after I watched 'Taare Zamein par' that slowly I had a hunch that may be I was a patient of dyslexia.

Often in my school days and even during my graduations I had problems tying my shoe laces, deciding which way to comb my hair, fumbling with the tooth paste cork, which escalated to a hell lot of things with time.

For the last few years i have realised that attimes i even say things which apparently always end up jumbling together, they just don't make sense, as if they have turned rebel or have taken a pledge of not supporting each other, they become hellbent to turn gibberish. But i have found out a way of dealing them -- i willfully allow them the liberty to turn gibberish, almost ignoring them to the etent that just cease to exist. although i have some limited success with the idea but it has its fall out too as after sometime i find myself all alone, speaking to myself or people wincing at him.

These symptoms doesn't seem to end and oflate it has also drawn a lot of flak and criticism with many people even giving me the tag of a 'bejha fry'(brain-roaster) especially when my words rebel in friendly get-togethers like b'day parties or marriage anniversities.

One more thing which has started troubling me is few days back is that I have developed this habit of stretching a simple sentence into a long sentence and attimes even to a collection of sentences. Once while returning home from office from one of my regular night shifts, I wanted to ask one of my friend to give me a treat but instead of putting it simply, i ended up giving me a description of the mode of communication, the importance of frequent treats and its side affects. By the time i ended what i wanted to say, the poor guy had already lost it and perhaps fearing as what would be my next attempt he didnt even give me the chance to come again and started conversing with someone else.

I have also developed an anomaly of using adjectives and bestowing people with so much praise as attimes it goes over the top and instead of being impressed, it leaves them frowing. I have tried to control it but the more i try the more it seems to slip out of my fingers.

So fed up with this strange disease of mine i have decided to cut short my conversations and deal in just gestures and postures but even that didnt help as some of my female collegues (even men after 'Dostana') raised objections about my body language. They accused me of provocation and attimes using wrong fingers to convey messages.

Once while trying to tell one of my collgue that i will pick her up at 1 o clock, i used my middle finger instead of my index finger and she got a wrong message, she has stopped talking to me soon after that. So being depressed and depleted with the things happening with me and around me, i decided to come to you , make some net friends -- becuase i know there would be atleast some poeple woho would be interested to talk to me here.

-- So, will you be magnanimous enough to spare a few of ur golden, precious and treasurous moments of life with this lonesome lonely friend?